Although growing up can be difficult, most children and young people receive the love and care they need to develop into healthy, happy young adults. But some children are hurt, neglected and used by adults or other children. Younger children may not be aware that what is happening to them is abuse. Abuse can mean different things to different children, and can happen once or many times.

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Physical abuse is...
...when children are hurt or injured by parents or other people. Hitting, kicking, beating with objects, throwing and shaking are all physical abuse, and can cause pain, cuts, bruising, broken bones and sometimes even death.

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Sexual abuse is...
...when children are forced or persuaded into sexual acts or situations by others. Children might be encouraged to look at pornography, be harassed by sexual suggestions or comments, be touched sexually or forced to have sex.

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Emotional abuse is...
...when children are not given love, approval or acceptance. They may be constantly criticised, blamed, sworn and shouted at, told that other people are better than they are and rejected by those they look to for affection.

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Neglect is...
...when parents or others looking after children do not provide them with proper food, warmth, shelter, clothing, care and protection.

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The trauma does not stop when the abuse stops.
To have suffered abuse as a child is a traumatic experience. It may be something that happened once, or it may be something that happened everyday for many years. Some survivors remember the abuse in vivid detail. Some have only vague feelings that "something happened". Others may have forgotten for many years, and only as adults find memories coming to the surface of their minds.

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Forgetting and remembering

Forgetting, cutting off and minimising, can be an attempt to cope with the pain and trauma. It is a way of controlling the acute sharpness of the pain. People have described how, as a child while the abuse was going on, they cut their minds off from the pain by going into a "trance-like" state. For many people, forgetting or cutting off in the immediate period following the abuse is an important way of coping.

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What does it mean to have suffered abuse as a child?

It means you did not experience the love that was your right as a child. The love that builds your faith in yourself. It may mean living a limited adult life. It may mean living with chronic pain. It means carrying the burden of grief, shame and fear all by yourself. It is living with a secret wound.
It is very important to find support. Secrecy and silence are a part of the abuse. So healing in isolation is nearly impossible. You need at least one other person with whom you can share your pain and healing. The person may be another survivor, a member of a support group, or a counselor
Healing will involve talking about what happened. It will probably involve remembering. There are no rules. There is no one right way of healing, no set of fixed "have to" or "should do".

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Myths and Facts about child sexual abuse

Myth : The sexual abuse of children is very rare
Fact : No, sexual assaults against children are very common. Up to 80% of assaults go unreported. Statistics understate the real number of attacks.

Myth : Adults only need to warn children against strangers
Fact : Children are most likely to suffer abuse from a trusted member of their family. A very small number of abusers are women, about 3%.

Myth : Gay men and lesbians are more likely to abuse
Fact : The myth is a result of fear and prejudice against homosexuality. In fact 97% of male attackers are heterosexual men and often they will be abusing girls as well.

Myth : Little girls imagine most supposed cases of incest, some children even lie about it
Fact : Freud was one of the first people to develop psychology. He said that women invented stories about childhood sexual abuse because he could not bring himself to believe how much it was happening. There is evidence that Freud hid and changed women's accounts to deny what had happened to them. Unfortunately this idea can create a situation in which a disclosing child is not believed, and is not offered help or support.

Myth : Some girls enjoy sex with their fathers. People believe this because not all abusers use physical violence. Also some girls do not report the abuse even when they get the chance to.
Fact : Sexual abuse can cause the vagina, bladder and anus to be torn and damaged. It can also cause internal damage. Some survivors do remember enjoying the attention and stoking that in some cases comes with the abuse. Every child needs affection. If this is the only affection children get it is natural for them to take it. Affection is an essential need for children. The need is not met by the abuse. Children are left with feelings of guilt, confusion and fear. The point is that the abuser is in a position of power over the child, and is abusing the child's trust.

Myth : Often the girl's mother knows what is happening but ignores it or may even encourage it.
Fact: People assume that the mother must see what is happening. Mothers prefer not to believe that their own husband, son or male lover is abusing their child. Even when the mother does realise what is happening she may not be able to protect her child.

Myth : It is a normal part of some families' lives, so we should just accept it.
Fact : Incest and child abuse are common throughout our society. Just because it is 'normal' in this sense does not mean we should accept it.

Myth : It is harmless and it can make matters worse to interfere
Fact : Incest and child abuse are dangerous. It can cause physical injuries. It causes extreme mental distress for children. It is not harmless.

Myth : Child sexual abuse only happens in working class and poor families
Fact : Sexual abuse happens in all sorts of families. Abusers come from all walks of life.


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